Thursday, May 25, 2006

I invented a new fetish, feel free to use it

Late 70s product characters!
Remember how in the 70s during the feminist revolution suddenly all the cleaning products and food products got all manly? As in "it's not a sandwich, it's a manwich?" I LOVE the term "manwich". It could be used to describe a 3some involving a girl and two guys.

And also, Brawny paper towels. During the feminist revolution of the 70s were they trying to make substitute manly husbands who helped with the cleaning? i.e. the Brawny Guy, the Warren Beatty yacht-guy in the Tid-E-Bowl, Mr. Clean--or maybe they were trying to make housecleaning more manly so that men would want to do it? I don't really think it worked, except that children of single mothers imprinted on the male archetypes of the Brawny guy, et. al, and now yearn for lumberjack types who did the heavy cleaning. I am so hot for the Brawny guy. I wish men still looked like that.

The fetish could involve the female dressing like the Sunmaid Raisin maiden (or maybe the tuna mermaid) and the male kitted out like the Brawny guy and they could have naughty product-placement late-70s style sex. You know, with vaseline-lens lighting, and string-bikini tan lines, and meadow flowers, and polyester backdrops. Wouldn't that be a fun fetish? I also love the babe on the Land-O-Lakes margarine container. And Mr. Clean always wet my whistle. Damn.

Also, I found the giant Koolaid pitcher simaltaneously frightening and erotic--the way s/he/it blasted through barriers, brought Koolaid, and had shapely legs in red tights. Now what do we have? That scary animatronic Snuggle Bear (creepy) and that's about it. Bring back the Brawny man! Bring back the lady with the dentures! Bring back the Koolaid monster and the tiny little man who puts his periscope up your ass. People could get so kinky with this... And in the afterglow, they could ride the Rice-A-Roni cable cars to a nice bar and drink some good old Blue Nun....


Blogger Juan Bodley said...

I TOTALLY lust for the Land-O-Lakes girl!!! (Actually my sister had a VERY intelligent college professor (Alex K. for Jonnie's info) who told a class once that he did too. Good choice.

1:16 PM  

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