Thursday, May 18, 2006


Back when I was completely insane I started dating an evil poet. What can I say, I was doing penance for sins I'd committed. Anyway,evil poets, believe me, are worse than evil clowns, evil twins, evil scientists, or evil dead.

Their torture methods are as strained as their verse. In fact, this particular evil poet used to torture me by reading--no, I'm sorry, reciting his poetry aloud. To me. While I was trying to write.

But I was way up there in the self-flagellation trying to prove that if I just took it it would wash me clean of my sins.

The problem is, if you date the devil, you begin to change in subtle ways..

But that's a story for another time.

Anyway, my point is, even now, almost five years later, I am convinced that this evil poet is still trying to get under my skin.

For example, this morning I come into work and there is an email from someone calling himself "Dan Evans" aka

The email says: Guess who I am? (Hint:I am not Dan Evans)

Of course I am an easy mark--unsatisfied with job, obsessed with secret identities, secretly yearning for distraction and perhaps a secret admirer, even a stalker. I am still a little crazy. I am working on it. So of course, this email is going to bug me obsessively, because even though I am pretty sure it is the evil poet, it might be I dunno, Wes Anderson, or someone worthwhile.

But I doubt it.

It could be that someone's pulling a "Da Vinci's Code" on my ass, or it could be a more global prank--someone doing a kind of Rorschach psychological experiment to see what respoinses they come up with, because everyone has an evil poet or two tucked away, everyone has, or believes they have--a tormentor--and this prankster probably has a book deal already about this experiment, and I fell for it, and all these suppositions say more about me than about "Dan Evans", but I still think it is the evil poet. If there is anything I've learned from self help books and detective stories, it is to go with your hunch.

Anyway, my readers (all 2 of you) are welcome to send this mysterious "" emails asking him if he has 4 kidneys, does he know where the pyramids of malaphagi are located, and why the hell he isn't tending to his baby daughter and wife instead of harassing innocent people?

Of course it could be a virus, or spam, but my spam filter didn't catch it, so use a public terminal or something if you do email him/her/it. But my gut tells me it is him.

Or not. This is going to bug me all day.
Which is so exactly the evil poet's style.



Blogger Jonnie 7-11 said...

I bet it really IS Dan Evans after all.
Or Bob Evans!

7:03 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home